正文:
- 翻译评析
- 一级主题翻译评析
①广东得改革开放之先机,国民经济持续快速发展,综合经济实力不断增强,居民生活水平不断提高,教育、科技、卫生等社会各项事业全面推进。 ②广东交通发达,有京广、京九、广深、广梅汕、广湛、黎湛、粤海等线路;公路网络密布、四通八达,有对外轮开放的港口5个,远洋航线通达147个国家和地区的1436个港;航空线达206条,其中国际航线37条。 ③广东旅游资源精彩纷呈,有广州、潮州、肇庆、佛山、梅州、海康等国家级历史文化名城,有肇庆七星岩、鼎湖山、西樵山、丹霞山等国家级风景名胜区,有一批国家级重点文物保护单位和自然保护区,有清代四大名园,有丰富多彩的主题公园,还有独特的民俗风情。④当北国冰雪未消之时,广东已是遍地春光。这里四季常青,有揽不尽的山川形胜,尝不尽的南国风味。欢迎您到广东来。
译文:①Guangdong is very much benefited as one of the first five open cities in China. With its rapid growing economy and GDP, local life has been greatly improved and enriched in every aspect, such as in education, science, technology and hygiene. ②Guangdong has gained much with well-developed transportation: Beijing-Guangzhou, Beijing-Kowloon, Guangzhou-shenzhen, Guangzhou-Meizhou-Shantou, Guangzhou-Zhanjiang, Li-Zhanjiang and Guangdong-Hainan railways. Expressways and highways connect every village. There are five international ports, linking to 1436 ports in 147 countries in the world. Local airports have set up 34 international routes and 206 domestic routes. ③Guangdong is rich in tourism resources with six national historic cities: Guangzhou, Chaozhou, Zhaoqing, Foshan, Meizhou and Haikang. There are a dozen national scenic spots: Qixingyan Crags, Dinghu Lake in Zhaoqing, Mt Xiqiaoshan and Mt Danxiashan. There are more: four famous gardens of the Qing Dynasty, modern theme parks and ethnic attractions. ④When Northern China is still snowing, Guangdong is already a green paradise full of flowers. With a subtropical climate, green mountains and blue waters, Guangdong is permeated with Lingnan flavor and long-lasting openness, offering a warm welcome to visitors and new comers as well.(语料来源:金惠康,2004)
分析:根据文中的主题,上篇旅游指南可分为:引言、交通状况简介、旅游资源简介、结语。一级主题信息通常是对地理、历史和现状的概括,以事实性信息和描述性信息为主,并有一些评价信息在其中。一级主题的译介要求简洁扼要、主题信息关联性突出 。文中第①句的事实性信息与评价性信息并重,虽然符合了汉语语言思维模式,但是与主题并没有很强的关联性,因此,在对此部分进行翻译时,译文应尽可能简练。对于译文第①句,则是以事实性信息为主,弱化了评价性信息,但是,没能处理好与主题信息的关联性,冗余信息过多。建议改译为:Guangdong is very much benefited as one of the first five open cities in China. With its rapidly growing economy, local life has been greatly improved and enriched;文中第②句主要是在说明广东省的交通便利。对于不了解中国城市分布的外国游客来说,一一列举的铁路线路并不能给他们任何的信息价值,反而额外增加了游客所需了解的信息量。因此,“有京广、京九、广深、广梅汕、广湛、黎湛、粤海等线路 ”并无必要一一列举,简化译为“many railways across here”即可;第③句基本上符合一级主题的译介要求,但译文语言仍有改善的空间;至于第④句,译文中with a subtropical climate,已经包涵了上文提出的“When Northern China is still snowing, Guangdong is already a green paradise full of flowers”所要表达的信息,因此建议省去这一句。
- 二级主题翻译评析
4.2.1 评析译文:珠江夜游①珠江夜游是南国广州的一个旅游亮点,珠江沿岸的美丽夜景可以与香港的维多利亚港口媲美。②游览的线路分别是从白鹅潭向东至广州大桥及向南至白鹤洞。③入夜后,五颜六色的路灯、闪烁的霓虹倒映在波光里,映衬着沿岸高楼的轮廓,整个水面显得流光溢彩、华丽辉煌。④不同时代的人们将广州的这一迷人美景起上“鹅潭夜月”,“珠海丹心”, “珠江秋色”,“双桥红雨”(“珠江晴波”)等美妙如诗的名字。整个游览大约需要两个小时。
①Evening Cruise on the Pearl River is one of the tourist highlights in the southern city of Guangzhou, and the beauty of the Pearl River scenery can be compared with that of Hong Kong’s Victoria Harbor. ②The river tour starts from the
Bai’etan (White Swan Lagoon) to Guangzhou Bridge in the east and
Baihedong in the south. ③The scenery along the river tour line is so fascinating with colorful urban lights and neon ads shimmering in the waves and against the skylines of the high-rises lined on the both sides of the river. ④On the way, one can appreciate such beautiful scenes of Guangzhou as “
Night Moon over the White Swan Lagoon”, “
Misty Rain over the Twin Bridge”, “
Red Heart of the Pearl River”, “
Autumn Moon over the Pearl” and “
Clear Waves on the Pearl River”. Those poetic names are very Chinese and we hope you can enjoy them. The cruise takes about two hours. (语料来源:金惠康,2004)
分析:二级主题是指对一级主题概览中列出的重点或品牌式旅游项目或景观的介绍,二级主题项目具有特色突出,其信息的译介倾向于相对具体化,描述和评价性文字比较突出。对于文中第②句来说,因为有很多外来游客对广州的景点分布并不是很熟悉,所以建议在此句中添加一些旅途中可以欣赏到的一些具体景色和著名景点的介绍,这将更有助于游客了解珠江夜游这项旅游项目;文中第③句中,珠江水面被翻译成了wave,根据文中内容可看出这里强调的珠江是江面如镜,颜色绚丽多姿的意境,而且事实上多数天气情况下珠江也确实如此,江面基本上比较平静,在阳光或是灯光的照映下,会给人一种波光粼粼的感觉,但是根据朗文现代英语词典可以得知wave的英文释义为:a line of raised water that moves across the surface of the sea,很明显可以看出和文中所强调的平静江面的意境相差甚远;第④句中的译文中又无端地冒出一句Those poetic names are very Chinese and we hope you can enjoy them, 看似是中式英语的谦虚之语,但实在是与主题没有任何关联性, 实应省去此句。总的看来,此篇珠江夜游的译文还是存在不少问题,有待于根据主题关联性做更多符合游客需求的修改。
但是,除了一些不尽人意的旅游翻译译文,也还是存在一些相对来说较好的译文,如下篇:
4.2.2 评析译文:黄婆洞水库始建于1956年,这里三面环山,一面傍水,环湖周围万木苍翠,当初是在陶铸同志建议下修建的,目的是为了解决山下村民的生产和生活用水困难,而现在却给白云山增添了一道美丽的风景线。关于黄婆洞水库还有一个美丽的传说,。元代女纺织家黄道婆年少时家境贫苦,又遭封建家庭压迫,便由原籍上海流落到海南崖州,像黎族人民学习纺织技术。转眼几十年过去,黄道婆从少女变成了老太婆,思乡心切,便踏上回乡之路 。途中经过广州看到此地贫困落后,曾在白云山小住,并向当地人民传授防治技术。为了表达对黄道婆的敬仰和怀念,人民便将此地称为“黄婆洞”。鸦片战争时,三元里人民曾在这里设伏袭击英军,太平天国起义,广东李文范响应义军在这里誓师。水库东向、北向两山之中,种满了马尾松、红棉和翠竹。每到秋天,山巅青黛,山腰火红,岩边黄绿与湖水相辉映,五光十色,瑰丽神奇。(语料来源:广州白云山实地景点介绍)
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